


The Voice of Your Eyes

by Terri Botta (Isilwath)



Series: Wreck of My Memories [2]
Category: YuYu Hakusho
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-13
Updated: 2013-06-13
Packaged: 2017-12-14 21:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/841577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isilwath/pseuds/Terri%20Botta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Wreck of My Memories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Voice of Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Another old YuYu fic written in 2005

A/N: This is the sequel to The Wreck of My Memories. It’s another story from Hiei’s POV. There is mild shounen-ai.  
   
Disclaimer: All rights belong to Yoshihiro Togashi and Shonen Jump. No infringement intended, etc etc all that jazz. I’m poor so don’t sue.  
   
Rating is M for language.  
   
The Voice of Your Eyes  
  
 Terri Botta 2005  
   
  
“Are you going out on patrol?” Kurama asks me, his voice light and friendly.  
  
 He is standing in the main entry of Mukuro’s fortress dressed in what I have come to call his ‘traveling clothes:’ light colored pants, long-sleeved shirt, jacket and backpack with its ridiculous fake fox tail dangling from it. I know he thinks it to be a cute inside joke, but to me it only reminds me of how sentimental and frivolous he can be sometimes.  
  
 He came for a surprise visit yesterday. Just showed up on the doorstep and expected to be let in. Fearless and stupid (and too much like something Yuusuke would do) but he knew I was here so Mukuro ordered him safe passage through the gate. It’s the first time he’s been to the main fortress, and I wondered what made him come so far from Yomi’s territory, but I didn’t ask him and he didn’t explain himself. He merely said that he was ‘in the neighborhood’ and wanted to ‘look me up.’ Hn, stupid ningen slang.  
  
 Not that I wasn’t glad to see him. It had been over a year since our last meeting and the sight of him gave me a pleasant feeling. It also broke the monotony of patrolling the borders to make sure Enki’s decree that we leave the human world alone is being upheld. The demon won again in the second Makai Tournament and his decree stayed in effect; so we, the losers, must continue guarding the borders and returning hapless ningens who accidentally end up in the Makai back where they belong.  
  
 Ch. Some days it’s so boring I could do it in my sleep.  
  
 So I was surprised and happy to see the red-head when he appeared before the gate. We had a chance to talk and renew our friendship. The good thing about Kurama and me is, no matter how much time has passed between our last visit, within moments it is like we have never been apart. The old camaraderie returns and I am filled with the feeling Kurama once described to me as nostalgia. Whatever it is, it’s pleasant if a little bittersweet sometimes. Our time together, brief as it might be, is something that I like and I am always glad to be with him. Sometimes, I even allow myself to miss him when we have to go our separate ways.  
  
 Just a little bit.  
  
 Our lives are very different now and there is not much reason for me to visit the Ningenkai since I told Yukina that her brother is dead. She still doesn’t know that I am her twin and I still prefer it that way. Knowing me has become a liability and she isn’t strong enough to defend herself. Until recently, however, I traveled to the Ningenkai more often than any of my old colleagues traveled here. But with the third Makai Tournament quickly approaching, I know I will be seeing more of Yuusuke and perhaps even the Oaf himself if he decides to fight again. I know I am entered, and I think Kurama is as well. Neither of us really want to win nor do we have any illusions that we will win, but the lure of battle is too much for either of us, and I relish the opportunity to use my skills and increase my power. Perhaps this time, I will draw Kurama and we will have to go head-to-head.  
  
 I think I would like that.  
  
 But ideas of pitting myself against my closest friend aside, he came to visit me after attending to some business with Yomi and stayed overnight. Today we will part company again and I will most likely not see him until the Makai Tournament next year. Somehow my good mood at seeing him is dampened a little, but I don’t allow my disappointment to show on my face.  
  
 “Yes,” I reply, wrapping my scarf around my neck and adjusting my katana. “Are you headed back to the Ningenkai now?”  
  
 “Not quite yet. I have one errand to make before I go back, but after that I’ll be going home,” he tells me, a small smile on his lips.  
  
 “Hn.”  
  
 “Is there any chance that your patrol is headed north?” he asks innocently.  
  
 “Hn? Didn’t have any particular direction in mind. We just wander aimlessly with Big Nose sniffing for ningens.”  
  
 “If you are headed north, I’d like to go along. Where I’m going is up in the mountains near the northern border of Mukuro’s territory. If I hitch a ride with you, it’ll save me a couple of days’ walk.”  
  
 Ah. So that’s why he stopped to see me. He really was ‘just in the neighborhood.’  
  
 Part of me is just slightly disappointed. There was a certain thrill in believing that the kitsune had gone so far out of his way simply to see me. To now find out that the unexpected visit was merely a means to an end is... somewhat disillusioning. Then again, knowing the wily fox, he decided to go on this errand simply because it would give him an excuse to see me.  
  
  
  I know he loves me and he would like nothing more than for me to stop pretending I that don’t see his thinly disguised advances; however, I’m not ready for that and never may be. Still, it’s nice to know that he keeps trying. In the spirit of our friendship I can meet him at least half way and offer him my aid.  
  
 I shrug. “We can head that way.”  
  
 He smiles, his eyes lighting up with happiness. “Thank you, Hiei.”  
  
 I shrug again and nod my head toward the gate. He falls into step beside me as I walk out to the traveling fortress we will ride out on patrol.  
   
********  
   
  
 “Where are you going?” I ask him that night as the rumbling of the monstrous centipede we ride in drones on in the background.  
  
 He takes a sip of his tea and places the cup down on the table before answering. “There is an herbalist up in the mountains that I visit sometimes. She cross-breeds like I do, and I like to see what she has come up with and trade seeds if she has something I think I can use. I haven’t been to see her since before the first Makai Tournament, and with the third coming up next year, I thought it might be a good idea to see what she has to offer.”  
  
 “You’re going to fight then?”  
  
 He takes another sip of his tea. “I’ve already put in my leave request from my step-father’s company.”  
  
 I chuckle. I find it endlessly amusing that the powerful Youko Kurama relegates himself to a... what did he call it? A desk job. Then again, I’m one to talk. Boring patrols...  
  
 “Ah,” I reply, sipping my own tea. It’s just the way I like it and the flavor fills my mouth. It is a pleasant finish to a good meal.  
  
 I look down into the cup and frown. I haven’t known hunger or thirst for a long time. Before I met Kurama and began my ill-fated plans to take over the Ningenkai, I was almost always hungry. Hunger was a constant in my life when I was growing up. Except for those six brief months I spent with Uma, any food I got I had to fight for. That was Itsuro’s way. The strongest survive and get the food. It was a lesson I learned very early on.  
  
 Then I met the kitsune. He then in turn betrayed me and sided with that damn fool Yuusuke. His betrayal forced me to tie myself to the Reikai Tantei to serve my probation. I hated it in the beginning, then Yuusuke foolishly put his trust in me and I began to know what it was like to be a valued member of a team.  
  
 And I was never hungry again. If Kurama didn’t feed me, then the old woman did or Yuusuke’s female or the Oaf’s sister. From the moment I joined their group, there was always enough food and it was freely given; no fighting needed. Of course, if other sources of food weren’t available, or I was in one of my ‘I want to be alone’ phases, it was ridiculously easy to steal food from any number of ningen establishments whose security was so flimsy it was laughable. For obvious reasons, Koenma turned a blind eye if you stole food. Unless, of course, the food you stole happened to be a human, but since I don’t care for the taste of human flesh I never fell under his scrutiny for such ‘petty’ thefts.  
  
 It strikes me suddenly that my belly has been full for almost nine years. In the moment of Kurama’s betrayal, he ended my hunger and my isolation in one act. In truth his betrayal saved me just as much as Yuusuke’s innocent faith in me did. I am beholden to both of them for that, but it isn’t something I will ever admit or reveal willingly. I prefer to let my actions speak for themselves. They know where my loyalties lie and I will stand beside them as much as I can. Mukuro knows it too. That is why she no longer asks me who’s side I will be on if she and Yuusuke were ever to fight.  
  
 Yuusuke... Yuusuke has never doubted my loyalty even when I myself did. It seems he can see into me like a Jagan; either that or he is just a simple-minded, trusting fool. To be honest, I still haven’t figured out which it is.  
   
  
 We are near Kurama’s destination by morning and we go out together on the top of the centipede to look at the lay of the land. I am surprised when I realize that I recognize where he has brought me. The village has changed a little over the years, but there is no mistaking the place where Uma would bring me to shop in the market. I am back in Itsuro’s territory, the territory of my youth.  
  
 After I killed Itsuro and his band of thieves, I changed lands in an attempt to leave my past behind and I had never returned. Now I find myself looking down on the same small village and high mountains where I spent my brief childhood.  
  
 It gives me a creepy feeling that I do not like. Why has Kurama come here? To visit a woman who cross-breeds plants. Uma cross-bred her herbs. But Uma is dead. Still, I am not one to believe in coincidences, and I know Fate well enough to know that it has a fucking twisted sense of humor. Beside me, Kurama is oblivious to my consternation. He turns his head to me and smiles gratefully.  
  
 “This is it. Thank you, Hiei. It was wonderful seeing you again,” he says.  
  
 “You are going here?” I ask, trying to keep my voice light and nonchalant.  
  
 He shakes his head and nods towards the forest. “No. I’m going up that way. There’s a trail that leads up into the hills. It’s still a bit of a walk, but you’ve saved me quite a lot of travel time by bringing me this far.”  
  
 My eyes follow the incline of his head and fall on a distant ‘V’ carved into the mountains. My gaze narrows and the creepy feeling in my gut gets stronger. I look up to the sky and frown. The weather is changing. There is a storm brewing just over the mountain. Perhaps there is a storm brewing inside me as well.  
  
 “Does this herbalist have a name?” I question.  
  
 He blinks at me and I know my inquiry shocked him. I am not one to pry into his business and I almost never ask him such questions. I return his curious look with a dead-pan one of my own. I know he wants to ask me why I have asked but I cross my arms to let him know that I am not in a mood to talk. I see his brow furrow a little but then he gives in. He knows me well enough to know when I will reveal my motivations and when I will not.  
  
 “The locals call her Silence, but I am certain that is not her real name. She had some kind of accident before I met her that left her unable to speak,” he replies.  
  
 My gaze narrows even further and now the creepy feeling is spreading up into my chest. I do not like this at all...  
  
 “What kind of accident?”  
  
 He blinks at me again, and I know the line of questioning concerns him but he trusts me so he answers. “I don’t know. I’ve never asked. She has some telepathic ability so we can talk, but it’s always been just business. Whatever it was, it was serious because her throat is slashed and she’s missing part of a leg. It burned her hands too; they’re covered with scorch marks.”  
  
 His answer makes me feel ill and I swallow hard. He is looking at me with his green eyes that ask all the questions he knows will get him threatened with death if he gives them voice. I stomp down the roiling in my stomach and uncross my arms as I leap from the centipede to land on the hard ground. He jumps down as well and lands beside me, his eyes still asking the questions that I cannot, will not, answer.  
  
 “I will go with you to see this woman,” I say in a tone I hope cuts off any interrogation he might be planning.  
  
 I do not want to talk about it. I just want to see. His description of the woman’s injuries is too close to the ones Uma sustained in the last battle. But she is dead. I know she is dead. I just need to see this person for myself and confirm that this is all a very twisted coincidence...  
  
 Who the fuck am I kidding?  
   
********  
   
  
 We are silent as we begin the climb up the narrow trail through the forest. I make no pretence that I don’t know where I am going because I traveled this trail many, many times in the past. If my familiarity with the terrain surprises Kurama, he doesn’t say. He stays as silent as I and I am grateful for that. Kurama always seems to know what I need. It’s part of what makes our friendship so dear to me.  
  
 Right now I am driven by the need to know and the dread of not really wanting to know. That is why I do not simply use my Jagan to See this woman. The ensuing walk will give me some time to collect my thoughts and emotions, and help me decide what I am going to do with what I find.  
  
 If it is Uma, that means Itsuro buried her alive. If it is not Uma, then it could mean that something took over her corpse. Either way the ramifications are unpleasant to think about. I grip the hilt of my katana, noting that the stone talisman wrapped in the binding fits right into my palm, and grit my teeth. The urge to fight and kill is growing within me. I am getting angry. I don’t like how this situation is making me feel...  
  
 “Hiei... Are you alright?” the kitsune finally asks me.  
  
 “Shut up,” I bark back.  
  
 I wince at my harshness but I can’t deal with him right now. He knows too much and sees too much. Not for the first time I regret allowing him to get so close to me. I cannot hide anything from him. I never could.  
  
 I pick up my pace and he hurries to keep up with me. At one point he moves to go straight while I turn sharply to the left. I see him pause and falter, wondering what I am up to until he realizes that I have taken a side trail that he hadn’t seen. It’s a steeper track but it’s a short-cut.  
  
 Up and up we go and I feel weighted down by more than just the strain of the climb. I set my jaw and ram through it, slicing the ache in my heart with my anger just like I always do. If I am angry then I cannot feel pain. It is how I have survived the life I have led.  
  
 I am not afraid. I am not dreading this...  
  
 The trail ends and I turn towards the last narrow track that leads up to the clearing where Uma’s hut once stood. I look to Kurama out of the corner of my eye to see what he is going to do. If he moves to go up the path, then I know he intends to head for the hut. If he doesn’t, and looks to me instead, then I will know I have been mistaken. I hold my breath as he looks at me with concern then turns for the trail.  
  
 I think my body is partially numb. I know I am having difficulty feeling my limbs as I fall into step beside him and we begin the climb together. I’m sweating but not because of the exertion. Maybe I should just use my Jagan and spare myself this waiting. No, if it is a demon that has taken over Uma’s body, I might give myself away and lose the element of surprise.  
  
 “You’ve been here before,” Kurama says, breaking the silence between us. His voice is thick with worry.  
  
 “Hn,” I answer.  
  
 “Hiei...”  
  
 “Stop,” I order and give him a glare.  
  
 He sees my sweaty brow, my clenched fists and purses his lips thoughtfully. He won’t challenge me when I’m like this. He’ll wait until later when whatever danger he thinks I am sensing has passed. By then, I should know what all of this is about and can handle it. I can handle anything. I even handled the inevitability of my own death at Shigure’s hands. I willingly sacrificed my own arm in order to meet my fate. Compared to that death and my resurrection in Mukuro’s regeneration tank, this should be nothing.  
  
 So why do I feel this tightness in my gut?  
  
 “Just... lead the way,” I say, my voice much more strained than I would have liked.  
  
 He frowns, but nods. He is, first and foremost, my closest friend, and I know I can trust him to do what I need him to do. No matter what, I know that he has my back, and my best interests in mind. Why else would he take a sword through the gut for me all those years ago? He knew what lay ahead and saved me from it. He knows, even though we’ve never said it out loud, that I would follow him anywhere. Right now he is leading me to my childhood home, and to an uncertain outcome, but I am glad he is here. I know he will take care of me if anything happens. There is great comfort in that.  
  
 We make the last turn and the clearing is revealed. Kurama moves towards the hut but I pause to look at it. It’s much more run down than I remember. The roof is in desperate need of repair and the supports are leaning slightly, but there is no mistaking that this is the hut where I spent the first six months of my life. This is the place where Uma and I lived so many years ago. The sick feeling in my stomach returns full force.  
  
 Kurama is calling out, announcing our presence, and I am struck by the need to run away. I do not want to be here. I don’t want to see this. Even if it is her, I don’t want her to know who I am, what I have become...  
  
 Fool. If it is her and she sees you, she will know immediately who you are.  
  
 My mind is still at war when a figure comes haltingly out of the trees and all thoughts of flight leave my body as I look at her. There is no mistaking that shape... that face...  
  
 She... looks older and she’s cut her hair short. I don’t like it. I cannot see her throat because she has wrapped herself in a scarf and cloak, but I can see the wooden peg she now has for her left leg below the knee. She walks with the help of a long staff, using it to brace herself as she comes towards us. My mind screams but I am rooted to the ground, unable to move.  
  
 At first, she only sees Kurama because her angle of approach partially obscures me from view, and she gives him a smile that reaches her violet eyes. He greets her with a bow, then turns to introduce me, but the moment she sees me I know no introductions will be necessary. Her face becomes slack and her eyes open wide in shock and amazement. For a moment we are both transfixed then she moves forward hesitantly while I remain glued to the spot where I stand. My heart is pounding in my chest as she hobbles her way over to me. I don’t know what I am going to say...  
  
 She stops just a few hands-breadths away from me and we stare at each other. Her eyes say everything. They are wide and full of hope and unshed tears. She drops the bag of herbs she is carrying and reaches out to me with one gloved hand.  
  
 “Uma,” I whisper.  
  
 Her fingers brush my cheek tentatively and I don’t pull away from the touch. Then the tears begin to roll down her face as she grasps my shoulder in an iron-grip that seems far too strong for her thin hand. She pulls me forward and my numb body goes into her embrace without resistance. Her arms wrap around me and I hear her staff clatter to the ground as she presses me close to her body. My head barely reaches her shoulder but she doesn’t seem to care as she hugs me tighter than I have ever been hugged. If I could feel my arms, I probably would push her away but since I cannot, there is nothing I can do.  
  
 There are no words and the silence is almost deafening. I can hear her ragged breathing as she holds me, but there are no words in my mind from her. I probe the spot in my head that she once occupied and find it still dark and empty. It unsettles me.  
  
 Didn’t Kurama tell me she was a telepath? I have never had trouble hearing thoughts before. Why is my mind now silent?  
  
 My doubts begin to rise in me and I gently try to extract myself from her arms. The movement sets her off balance and, without her staff to hold her, she stumbles and begins to fall. My reaction is immediate and requires no conscious thought. I catch her before she hits the ground, cushioning her body with my arms. Kurama is there, his eyes still full of questions, and he helps me steady her on her feet‚Ä¶ or foot and peg as the case may be. As he hands her the staff, she cups his cheek and gives him a look that is pure gratitude before giving me one that is pure adoration. She is so happy she’s glowing and a lump forms in my throat.  
  
 “Let’s go inside, shall we?” he says, picking up the bag of herbs.  
  
 The woman who looks like Uma nods and takes my hand, tugging me with her as she makes her way to the hut. I allow her to do this but I am not sure why I don’t wrench my hand from that iron grip.  
  
 I am moving as if through water, weightless and not completely in my body. It’s a lot like suffering from extreme blood loss, that floating, far away feeling that takes over you just before you black out. That’s how I feel as she takes me inside, back to the only place I ever called home.  
  
 The interior is as I remember it, although the furniture has been rearranged to avoid the obvious leaks in the roof. And she’s added a small wood-burning cook stove in place of the old hearth. Hn. That’s new.  
  
 Kurama, ever the gentleman, pulls out one of the old wooden chairs and bids Uma to sit down.  
  
 “You should get off your feet. You’ve had quite a shock obviously,” he says gently.  
  
 She releases my hand long enough for her to sit on the chair but takes it again just as soon as she is settled. She gazes up at me, her cheeks still wet with her tears but her eyes hold nothing but joy. We stare at each other as Kurama makes himself busy by preparing tea. I pull my hand from her grasp, and she lets go only reluctantly until she sees that I intend to sit on the chair facing her. I look at her and say nothing until Kurama places the tea in front of us. Neither of us seems to notice the drinks as we continue to stare at each other.  
  
 In truth, I don’t know what to say. It looks like Uma, smells like her too, but I know I saw her die and the place in my head is still empty. She obviously recognizes me and has some memories of me, but if she is a changeling or a parasite, she could have gotten those memories from invading Uma’s mind.  
  
 ‘Hiei,’ Kurama’s voice speaks in my head, jarring out of my jumbled thoughts. ‘Why don’t you say something?’  
  
 “Hn?” I say.  
  
 ‘She is saying that she is so happy to see you...” His brow creases then his eyes open wide in understanding. “Can’t you hear her?’  
  
 ‘No,’ I answer, my mood darkening.  
  
 “Oh,” he says aloud and turns to Uma. “Silence-san, or is it Uma...”  
  
 She nods at the name and he smiles.  
  
 “Uma-san, for some reason Hiei cannot hear your thoughts...”  
  
 She looks at me, confused, then her eyes turn disappointed and she gazes down at her lap. Kurama stares at her, his face serious and I get the impression that she is talking to him.  
  
 “I see,” he says after several long moments. “She says that you lived here when you were a baby; that she took care of you when you were little.”  
  
 “Hn,” I reply, narrowing my eyes.  
  
 I can’t hear her. I could always at least feel her. I’m confused and unsettled and that always makes me angry. This woman cannot be Uma. Uma is dead. Uma sacrificed herself for my worthless hide. This has to be a trick; a cruel, twisted, fucked-up trick...  
  
 I am not amused!  
  
 “Hiei?” Kurama questions.  
  
 “Uma is dead. You are dead. I saw your body. I looked into your sightless eyes,” I say coldly. “I watched Itsuro dump you into a shallow grave before he dragged me away from your cold corpse. The place in my head where you listened is empty.”  
  
 “Hiei...” the stupid kitsune breathes, taking a step to stand behind Uma, or the thing that looks like Uma but cannot be Uma.  
  
 Uma is dead!  
  
 My rage burns hot and swift. This thing has taken over the body of the only mother I’ve ever known. It has desecrated her grave and stolen her corpse to animate itself.  
  
 “I don’t know what is going on. I don’t know what kind of a trick you are trying to pull, but I won’t forgive you!” I growl.  
  
 “Hiei!” Kurama yells, but he cannot stop me. I will know the truth!  
  
 I lunge at her, tearing the Seal off my Jagan, as I grab her by the skull. The chair topples over and I land heavily, straddling her waist, as my Eye opens. I hold her head firmly, making her look into my eyes as I force my mind on hers and rip into her soul...  
  
  
  
_A barren empty plane. A snow-swept mountain pass. A woman, alone and seeking sanctuary, finds an abandoned hut deep in the forest. She repairs the old structure and chooses to live there, away from others, alone but content in her solitude. Years pass._  
  
_A thief brings her an abandoned infant and her solitude is ended. The child banishes the loneliness she hadn’t even realized she felt. He is her heart. Her joy._  
  
_He is Hiei._  
  
_Love and pride. Happiness and bittersweet sadness. She feels hope for the first time in so long, but his road will be hard._  
  
_"Love is the only thing I can give him."_  
  
_The baby grows into a child. Dark and somber. His eyes reveal his pain._  
  
_"Oh, Hiei. How can I help you to heal these wounds which are not your fault?"_  
  
_Brief springtime and summer. The seasons pass to fall. The snows will come soon. The child is growing fast._  
  
_"Hiei. My little one. I love you so much..."_  
  
_A trip into civilization; a place she does not like to go but knows that she must. Her son needs clothes and there are things that must be acquired before the winter..._  
  
_Danger! Danger to the one she holds most precious!_  
  
_"Hiei! Hiei run!"_  
  
_She sees what is about to happen. She knows she has no choice. She will die, but her son will live._  
  
_"I’ll take all of you with me you bastards! No one hurts my son!!"_  
  
_Power. The force of a gale as she brought the lightening down into her body and sent it out amplified with her own ki. The bandits scream as their bodies are burned up by the attack, but she herself feels no pain._  
  
_Her body is numb. Her energy is leaving her. She sends out one more mental tap to make sure her child is safe before she lets go._  
  
_"Live, Hiei. Live and grow strong. I love you."_  
  
_Blackness. Blackness for a long time, and then awareness. It is dark. It is cold. She is alone and barely alive. She reaches out to the surrounding land to grasp a trickle of power..._  
   
  
 “HIEI STOP IT!”  
  
 Kurama’s voice as he rips me away from the woman beneath me and throws me halfway across the hut. I come out of her mind with a terrible wrench, shaking and nauseous from the visions I have witnessed.  
  
 It is Uma. She was still alive! Itsuro buried her and she was still alive! She spent years trapped in the ground, imprisoned by a tattered rag of a cloak that acted as her shroud and a layer of dirt and stones. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t see. She didn’t even have the strength to mentally call out for help. All she could do was lay there and leech power from the earth in order to heal herself.  
  
 I am sick. I am trembling. I raise my eyes to meet hers as she struggles to sit up. Kurama is helping her, supporting her under the shoulder, but she is reaching for me.  
  
 “Hiei,” Kurama says and I realize that he is speaking for her.  
  
 There is no recrimination in her eyes, no hate or anger. I just raped her mind with my Jagan and she has already forgiven me. Guilt crashes down; shame and hatred of myself for my cowardly deed. Bile rises in my throat, burning the inside of my neck and sending pain down into my chest. My breath is heaving, my heart pounding. I am silent and stunned.  
  
 “Hiei...”  
  
 Her hands reach out to me but I shake my head, warning her away. I could not bear it if she touched me. How could she even stand to touch me? How can she even look at the vile thing I have become?  
  
 I choke, clenching my fists, then I do the only thing I can do before I shatter into a million pieces that no one will ever be able to find.  
  
 I flee.  
   
********  
   
  
 I have no concrete destination in mind. I just knew that I had to get out of there or my turmoil would have consumed me and I would have lost all sense. The weather matches my mood as the storm I saw brewing earlier thunders its way over the mountains to shake the earth with its power.  
  
 How could this have happened? How could I not have known that she still lived?  
  
 No! She was dead! I know she was dead! She used the last of her strength to kill the bandits after me.  
  
 But the Jagan doesn’t lie. I know what I saw when I invaded her mind.  
  
 I have to see. I have to see the grave for myself so I go in search of it. Rock slides and erosion have changed the terrain a little, but I eventually find the spot where Uma downed the trees with her lightning. From there it is easy enough to retrace the path she took when she grabbed me and tried to run away. That is one of the curses of a perfect memory- you forget nothing and no detail is ever lost.  
  
 As the clouds open up I stand before the shallow depression that was once a grave. Everything around it is dead; not even mold is growing on the lifeless trees. It is as if all of the life energy has been sucked out of the land, and that is exactly what happened. Somehow Uma had the power to draw the ki from the earth and use it to heal herself. Of course, she couldn’t heal her leg because that bastard Haru had eaten it, and she still had the scars from her ordeal, but she eventually regained enough power to dig herself out and crawl home. I know it took a very long time.  
  
 I kneel down beside the hole and dig my hands into the barren dirt as the rain begins to fall more heavily. Did Itsuro know she was still alive? Did he know she had this power? Did he leave her here because he wanted me? Somehow I cannot bring myself to believe that the closest thing I ever had to a father would do such a low and despicable thing. Then again, he was a thief...  
  
 And me. I never visited her grave. If I had, would I have been able to feel her faint ki? Would I have realized that there was still life in the seemingly dead body? Would she have reached out for me? If I had known, could I have saved her?  
  
 I don’t know. I never returned. I turned my back on her. Abandoned her like I was abandoned...  
  
 You were a child. You didn’t know.  
  
 I never visited. Not once. I didn’t even return to put flowers on her grave.  
  
 You didn’t know any better. You had lost the only person who had ever loved you. To come back would have been too painful. Shutting it away was the only way you knew how to live.  
  
 I didn’t come to say good-bye before I left for good after I killed Itsuro and his thieves. I never came to tell her that I had killed the bastard who ate her leg. I left her there, fighting for her life. I buried her memory and became everything she didn’t want me to become.  
  
 I betrayed her. I betrayed her love. I betrayed her sacrifice...  
 Rage consumes me. Rage and hatred and guilt, and I take my fury out on my surroundings, slashing the dead trees with my katana and burning the fallen logs with my fire. My power is great enough that even the wet wood ignites and burns despite the rain. I rip a path of destruction along the mountainside but nothing I do seems to end this feeling of utter despair. The thunder shakes the forest and the wind howls as I throw my head back and scream.  
   
********  
   
  
 When I come back to myself and the red haze of my rage finally fades, I am soaked to the skin and the forest around me is nothing more than a blackened landscape of smoldering dead trees. I am breathing hard and I hurt all over. My hands are bloody and bruised from all of the punches I have thrown and I am exhausted from using my fire. I refuse to lose consciousness, however. Now is not the time to hibernate.  
  
 With the death of my fury comes a new clarity. I was six months old. I was little more than an infant. There was nothing I could have done to save Uma and I would not have had the power to help her back then. It is entirely possible that she would have sucked me dry of my ki before she realized what was happening.  
  
 No, my sin was not in not realizing the truth. My sin was turning my back on all she tried to teach me. My sin was that I was too small and too weak to protect her.  
  
 Never again.  
  
 “Never again,” I murmur to the smoke and the rain.  
  
 I am coming to some conclusions. Now that I know she is alive, it will only be a matter of time before someone finds out about her connection to me. Neither I nor Kurama had made our destination a secret, and everyone aboard the traveling fortress knew where we were headed. Even if I refuse to answer questions, finding the answers will be as easy as finding a lone demoness living in a run-down hut. I felt her ki. She’s no match for even the lowest class of Mukuro’s servants.  
  
 My position as Mukuro’s heir notwithstanding, I have made many enemies who would relish the chance to hurt me by using someone I care about. This is why I have entrusted my twin to the Ningenkai and separated myself from her.  
  
 I will not allow Uma to be used in such a way. She is too weak and I will not turn my back now that I know the truth. I owe her far too much. I wasn’t strong enough to protect her then, but I have made up for my weakness in spades. As long as she remains here, she will be a target. One way or another, I will take her someplace where she will be safe.  
  
 Whether she likes it or not.  
   
********  
   
  
 When I return to the hut it is obvious that they have been anxiously waiting for me. Kurama must have felt me approach because he opens the flimsy door before I can put my hand on it. I enter, not caring that my sodden cloak is dripping water on the floor. The leaks in the roof have wet the wooden slats already so a little more water won’t make a difference.  
  
 “Hiei,” Kurama says, his voice careful and concerned.  
  
 “Hn,” I reply and pull off my cloak as I stare at Uma who is sitting in the same chair she had been seated in before I attacked her. She has taken off her gloves and I can see her hands for the first time. They are almost skeletal, the skin stretched tight over the bones and pocked with burn scars.  
  
 I swallow hard and do my best to steel my emotions so I can face her. I can do this. I have to do this. I faced Kurama after he betrayed me. I faced Yuusuke after he defeated me. I faced Shigure after we killed each other. I can face this woman whom I have wronged in so many ways, and whom I must now protect from those who would use her as a weapon against me.  
  
 As Kurama takes my cloak and scarf, Uma stands and moves about the hut without the aid of her staff. The wooden peg clacks loudly on the floor and each step makes me mentally wince. Now that I am here and looking at her, I am at a loss as to what to say or how to begin. No mere “I’m sorry” could ever make up for what I have done, and I’m not one to ask forgiveness anyway. I watch her as she takes my wet clothes from Kurama and hangs them on a rack by the stove so they will dry.  
  
 No one speaks and the air is tense with emotion. I clench my fists, grimacing at the pain from my injured hands. The stinging of my wounds makes me glance at Uma’s scarred, skeletal fingers and burned palms, and I wonder if she still has full feeling in them.  
  
 As I am watching her with heavily guarded eyes, Kurama comes to me and touches my shoulder.  
  
 “Hiei, you’re exhausted and wounded. Come sit down and let me see to your injuries,” he says gently, guiding me towards the wood stove where he pushes me down to sit in a chair where the warmth from the fire will dry my clothes. Fool. Doesn’t he know that I can dry them just by increasing my body heat?  
  
 I hear Uma moving close and flick my eyes up to see her hand a ceramic jar to Kurama who pulls out the cork stopper and takes a deep sniff of the contents. I recognize the scent as one of Uma’s healing salves, the kind she used to rub on my numerous cuts and scrapes that I got as a child. The memory of her gentle ministrations on my minor injuries lances through me and makes my chest constrict.  
  
 “Ah, Uma-san, this is perfect. Thank you,” he tells her gratefully, then reaches for my hands.  
  
 I pull them close to my body, resisting, but the stubborn fox refuses to take no for an answer.  
  
 “Hiei, let me treat your wounds,” he insists.  
  
 “Don’t need it,” I argue, glaring at him as he grasps my wrist.  
  
 “I know, but let me do it anyway. Besides, do you really think you can challenge me with the shape you’re in right now?” he replies, a small, wry smile on his lips.  
  
 I snort but relent. He is being a silly ningen again, thinking that he needs to take care of me. Sometimes I think he relishes in doting on me when I’m hurt. And why wouldn’t he? It gives him a chance to touch and be close to me in a setting where I won’t punch him for getting too familiar. Not that I relish punching him, but he’s come to expect my rejection and I’m not willing to disappoint him.  
  
 I stare straight ahead as he treats and bandages my hands, my eyes focused on the pot of tea simmering on the stove. He finishes with the wrappings, smoothing the cloth with a gentle touch that’s almost a caress, and I think I surprise him by letting him get away with it. In truth, I simply don’t have the energy to fight him nor do I want to be at odds with him when I am in so much turmoil. I need to know that he’ll be with me if I need him.  
  
 “There,” Kurama says softly, releasing my hand. “I know you heal quickly so it should only be a few hours before those are all healed up.”  
  
 “Hn,” I reply, refusing to look at him.      
  
 He walks away, taking the salve with him, and I return to staring at the teapot. A soft cloth falls on my head suddenly and I jolt in surprise. I jerk around to see that Uma has placed a dry blanket across my shoulders and she is now lightly rubbing my dripping wet hair.  
  
 I swallow hard and look away guiltily.  
  
 Her touch is gentle, just as I remember it, and I feel that I at least owe her the courtesy of staying still while she performs her useless attempts to dry me. I increase my body temperature until steam begins to rise from my soaked clothes and I hear a soft snort leave her nose. She is laughing silently.  
  
 Kurama places a cup of tea in my hands and I stare into it because I cannot think of anything to say.  
  
 “We’re glad you came back,” the kitsune says softly. “We were concerned for you out in the storm.”  
  
 “Ch,” I scoff.  
  
 “Hiei. Uma told me everything. She doesn’t know why you can’t hear her, but she wants you to know that she doesn’t blame you.”  
  
 Doesn’t blame me? Doesn’t blame me for what? For not knowing that she was buried alive or for violating her mind with my Jagan?  
  
 “She says that she is so happy to see you. She’s been following your career ever since she heard that you had become Mukuro’s heir. Before that, she despaired that you had died. She stayed here after she awakened in hopes that someone would come with news of you,” he continues.  
  
 Or that I would come. Ch. She’s stayed here in this hovel all these years just waiting for me. I brush off the sudden rush of anger I feel and grit my teeth.  
  
 Never again.  
  
 She moves to stand in front of me and I look up at her. The open love in her eyes makes me feel... so ashamed.  
  
 “She says, ‘I am so proud of you, Hiei,’” Kurama says, softening his voice. He almost sounds like Uma...  
  
 Proud? Proud of me? How can she possibly be proud of what I have become?  
  
 Her arms open and she hugs me loosely, my cheek pressed into the hollow of her solar plexus. I allow it. Her embrace is warm and familiar, and I’m too tired and heart sore to fight. Besides, if I shrug her off I might hurt her and I don’t want to do that.  
  
 “She wants you to know that she loves you and she missed you so much.”  
  
 Missed me? Has anyone ever missed me? Have I ever missed anyone? Missing someone means I have feelings for them. Feelings are for the weak and I cannot afford to be weak. I must be strong. I must fight for the right to live, for the right to even exist. I have never had the luxury of missing someone.  
  
 Except Kurama... I sometimes miss Kurama.  
  
 Did I miss Uma? Did Itsuro ever give me the chance to miss her? He began his lessons right away, beginning with the slap that sent me reeling when I wouldn’t leave Uma’s body to go with him. After that, his beatings put Uma’s paltry spankings to shame. I remember huddling, cold and hungry, in his cave, refusing to cry after he had punished me for being insolent.  
  
 I cried a single tear for Uma, a blood-black jewel that fell from my eye when I was alone. I have cried only three such tainted hiruseki in my lifetime and Uma’s was the first. Discovering that my tears became gems when I cried came as a shock back then but I knew enough to never allow Itsuro to know my secret. I buried my first tear gem deep in a crevasse too small for Itsuro or any of his band to crawl into. It’s probably still there. The other two I destroyed with my fire right after they fell.  
  
 I won’t cry now. In truth I don’t think I’m even capable of crying any more, but I close my eyes as her scent teases my nose. I remember this scent. They say scent is the strongest sense linked to memory, and I have to agree. Uma’s smell triggers so much that I had buried deep inside myself. I remember how she cared for me and protected me, how she sheltered and nurtured me. How she wanted me when no one else did.  
  
 Bits and pieces start coming back and I sink into a well of memory that is as deep as the pain I carry inside of me.  
  
 “Oh he is dangerous. He’s very dangerous. He turns me into an overprotective mother who will kill you where you stand if you even think of touching him.”  
  
 “I would thank them. I would thank them for abandoning you so that you could find your way to me.”  
  
 “You are strong. You are the strongest of all of us.”  
  
 “I love you, Hiei. I love you, my son.”  
  
 The memories come flooding out, bursting from the box I had sealed them in, and I remember everything I have tried so hard to forget. I remember her arms wrapped around me and the sound of her heartbeat in my ear. I remember the warmth of her love and the sound of her laughter. I remember the days we spent together and the nights she held me close. I remember how much I... loved her.  
  
 And just like a light shining suddenly in the darkness, she is there in my head and the place she once occupied glows warm with her presence. Her love washes over me, wrapping around me like her arms, and I feel it everywhere, blanketing me in comfort and safety. It feels like I’ve finally come home.  
  
 ‘Hiei,’ I hear in my mind as clearly as if she had spoken it aloud, and I realize that the reason I couldn’t hear her before was because I was blocking her out.  
  
 “Haha-ue,” I whisper, my breath barely passing over my parted lips. Haha-ue. Haha-ue. Haha-ue.  
  
 Kurama, did you think I didn’t understand how much you love your mother? Oh, my friend, you had no idea how much I understood. It was you who never understood what I felt whenever you spoke of her. You never knew the depth of my anguish or my loss. And you have no idea what I am feeling right now, now that I have found her again.  
  
 I am... I am... so relieved.  
  
 ‘My son. I missed you so much. I love you so much...’  
  
 My arms have not come around her. I did not drop the tea and send it spilling all over the floor. I am not quivering in her embrace. I do not gasp and cling to her like a lost child or press my cheek to her soft warmth. I am not reduced to a trembling boy who can do nothing but hold onto the woman who loves him for dear life.  
  
 I’ll kill anyone who says otherwise.  
  
 My exhaustion catches up with me and I feel the heaviness begin to overtake my limbs. I am going into hibernation and there is little I can do to stop it because all the adrenaline is fading from my body. I raise my head to look up at her and I see her smile at me just before my eyes slide closed and I know no more.  
  
  
********  
   
  
 When I wake my internal body clock tells me that it is the following day. Sunlight is filtering in from the holes in the ceiling and through the windows so I know the storm is over. I am alone in Uma’s bed but I have a vague memory of being cradled through the night.  
  
 I frown. I rarely hibernate for more than a few hours. They must have done something to me to make me sleep. I dimly recall the scent of something soothing being placed over my nose and Kurama’s voice whispering that I should rest. Damn crafty fox and herb witch. They drugged me to knock me out.  
  
 My hazy memory supplies faded images of the two of them flanking me, holding me between them as I drifted just on the edge of consciousness. They stayed with me the whole night, comforting me and easing me into restful sleep. My scalp tingles as I remember Kurama stroking my hair with his fingers as Uma hummed a tuneless lullaby in my head. I’ll have to hit him for that later, just to maintain the status quo.  
  
 As I sit up, I realize that I do feel well rested and the wounds on my hands are completely healed. I unwrap the bandages and begin to leave them in a bloody heap on the floor, but I feel guilty about it so I pick them up and drape them neatly over one of the empty drying racks.  
  
 I take a good look around the empty hut. There isn’t much here so I doubt it will take long for her to pack her things. I haven’t told her that she’s not staying yet, but if the only reason she stayed in this shack was because of me then she will have no objections to moving. Regardless of what she thinks, she can’t stay here. This shelter is falling apart and I doubt it will last the winter. It’s obvious that she hasn’t regained even a fraction of the youki she lost and she can’t fix the place up herself. I won’t have her living in this hovel where the next blizzard could bury her alive again.  
  
 Bury her alive... I grimace.  
  
 Never again.  
  
 No matter what the circumstances, I would never do that to anyone, not even an enemy. The idea is unthinkable. I saw what it was like for her, trapped beneath the earth, unable to move; unable to get away from the things that crawled over her paralyzed body. She had to waste precious ki killing the boring worms and biting ants. A fate worse than death is what she suffered through, and I vow that I will never let her suffer like that again.  
  
 I lift the ward off my Jagan to See where they have gone and find them in a meadow not far away. In hindsight, I should have known that was where they would be. The site is where Uma always bred her herbs. It stands to reason that they would go there to fuss over the plants.  
  
 I take my time approaching, letting them feel my youki so they know to expect me. It also gives me time to collect myself and decide how I am going to handle this. When I clear the trees I find Uma sitting on a large boulder beside the stream that runs through the meadow while Kurama is comparing two seed pods in his hands.  
  
 ‘Good morning, ishka,’ Uma’s mind brushes against mine.  
  
 She adds a tender mental caress to the term of endearment and I stifle a shiver at hearing the nickname again. Uma once told me that it meant ‘dear one’ in her native tongue.  
  
 “Hn,” I reply, coming to stand beside them.  
  
 I purposefully place myself in both of their personal spaces. I am not demonstrative or as Yuusuke says ‘a touchy-feely kind of guy,’ but I find comfort in being close.  
  
 You can always tell how I feel about someone by how close I will let them get to me. If the person is within my personal space, then you know I trust and care for them. When I am with Kurama, he is almost always right next to me, sometimes close enough for us to touch shoulders. I like to be where I can feel his ki and mine melding with each other. Our energies mingle and mix almost seamlessly because we know and trust each other so well. Not even Mukuro has my trust the way Kurama does.  
  
 “Hiei,” the kitsune greets, smiling softly at me. “Did you get enough rest?”  
  
 His eyes are far too knowing for my taste and I scowl, but decide to hit him later. Normally I would now challenge him because he has seen me when I am weak and I need to reassert my power. But Uma is here and I do not want to take the time to spar with my kitsune. I want us to pack up Uma’s things and go. The sooner we leave this place, the better in my opinion. Besides, I know the rest of the crew on the traveling fortress is waiting for me to return, and if I am gone much longer they will send someone up the mountain to look for me.  
  
 “We are leaving,” I say without preamble.  
  
 They both give me surprised looks and I smirk. Take control. This is what I have learned about presumption of authority. Don’t give them a choice. If you command them in the right way, no one will question you. It even works on the kitsune... most of the time.  
  
 Kurama looks disappointed but Uma just looks sad. Hn, perhaps my intentions have been misconstrued.  
  
 ‘Are you certain you want to leave so soon?’ Kurama’s thoughts ask me. ‘I would have thought you would have liked to visit for a little while at least.’  
  
 I snort and roll my eyes at him. ‘She’s coming with us, you stupid kitsune.’  
  
 Kurama’s eyes open wide, then he cracks a pleased smile. “Ah. Oh...”  
  
 ‘Did you think I was going to leave her here?’ I chide then turn to Uma. “How long will it take you to pack your things?”  
  
 She cocks her head at me, her eyes curious. ‘Why?’  
  
 “Because we’ll go as soon as you’re ready. You’re coming with us.”  
  
 One eyebrow raises and she gives me an incredulous look. ‘Oh, I am, am I?’  
  
 “Yes,” I insist and back it up by crossing my arms.  
  
 I am an adult now, not a child, and I am the most powerful demon here. It doesn’t matter that she changed my diapers. She’ll do what I want.  
  
 ‘Oh really?’ she answers, folding her arms across her chest in a mimic of my own motion. The tone of her ‘voice’ is one that I recognize as usually preceding my being draped across her knee. Frankly, the thought amuses me. I’d like to see anyone try to do that to me now.  
  
 “Yes. You are not spending another night in that run-down shack,” I say with conviction.  
  
 ‘Ah, Hiei, while I do wholeheartedly support your decision, I must question your methodology,’ Kurama interjects, a nervous tone to his thoughts..  
  
 It’s kitsune-speak for ‘Hiei, you’re being a dumbass.’ I flick a glance at him. If he’s calling me a dumbass, he’s probably right. I hate it when he’s right.  
  
 ‘Run-down shack... I’ll have you know that I’ve been living in that so-called shack for more decades than you can count,’ Uma tells me, her thoughts laced with anger.  
  
 I refuse to back down and glare at her. “It’s a hovel and it’s falling apart. It is not safe for you to stay there any longer,” I counter, stating the obvious.  
  
 ‘It’s my home and I have no desire to leave it. If you’re so worried about me, then help me fix it.’  
  
 “I’ll ‘fix it’ by burning it to the ground,” I snarl, clenching my fists.  
  
 I can feel the fire building in my hand and the wards on my arm begin to sizzle. My dragon wants to be let out and I can think of a certain ramshackle hut that would make a very good target.  
  
 “Ah, Hiei!” Kurama interrupts, putting a restraining hand on my shoulder.  
  
 The touch brings me back to myself and cools my red fury. He always could do that to me.  
  
 “You still need to go on patrol, yes?”  
  
 I blink at him and scowl, and he takes that as a yes.  
  
 “Why don’t you go on patrol and come back in a couple of days. I will stay here and protect Uma,” he offers, speaking deliberately and succinctly.  
  
 I look into his eyes and see everything he really wishes to say. He is telling me ‘Let me take care of this, Hiei. I’ll get you what you want.’ He’s also telling me to get out of here before I do something really stupid like sling Uma over my shoulder and cart her down off this mountainside by force.  
  
 “Ch,” I growl but give in. Kurama knows me best. He knows when I’m being stubborn and stupid, and he’s not afraid to tell me so. If my emotions are getting the best of me, then I need to trust him.  
  
 “Very well. I’ll be back in two days. But you’d better be ready to go!” I answer, pointing one finger at him.  
  
 I turn my back but Uma’s voice cuts into my head, soft and imploring, ‘Hiei‚Ä¶’  
  
 I look over my shoulder at her to see her reaching out with open arms. There is no anger or recrimination on her face or in her eyes. Whatever insults I have visited upon her, she has already forgiven me. A wave of love comes from her and flows into me as she gives me a sad smile.  
  
 ‘Be safe, Hiei. I love you.’  
  
 I nod and swallow the lump in my throat.  
  
 ‘I... I will see you soon... Haha-ue,’ I send to her silently. ‘Kurama will protect you.’  
  
 ‘I know,’ she tells me with an understanding expression.  
  
 I raise my gaze to Kurama who meets my eyes with a steady, reassuring look.  
  
 ‘Don’t worry. I’ll take care of her and convince her to listen to you.’ He smiles and preens a little in that fox way of his, raising his chin and looking at me through hooded eyes. ‘After all, you know how persuasive I can be.’  
  
 Don’t I know it.  
  
 I nod my thanks, then wrench myself away from the two of them and head for the trail that will lead me back down the mountain. If I don’t go now, I might change my mind and do something rash. It’s best to leave this in the hands of the kitsune. He is much better at things like this than I am.  
  
 I try not to feel the stab of pain and loneliness that my leaving them causes.  
   
********  
   
  
 When I return the promised two days later, I do so en force. I order the fortress centipede to climb up the trail, all the way to the clearing where Uma has her little hut. The monstrous insect leaves a path of trampled trees in its wake, but it scaled the steep track without any troubles. As we come over the last rise and turn the last corner, I am pleasantly surprised to find both Uma and Kurama waiting for me.  
  
 “We heard the Mukade coming up the mountain and figured we’d better be ready to go just in case you decided to flatten the hut,” Kurama tells me with a sheepish smile as I hop down from my perch on the centipede’s head.  
  
 There are a number of packs all lined up by the front door of the hut and Uma is wearing her scarf, gloves and traveling cloak. She gives me a quiet smile but does not move to touch me and for this I am grateful. For her own safety, I didn’t want her to show me affection in front of the crew. It is best if as few people as possible know about our connection and I do not trust the others in Mukuro’s service. Any one of them might try to depose me as Mukuro’s heir by coming at me through Yukina or Uma. I gave up worrying about someone trying to use Yuusuke or Kurama against me because neither of them are easy targets a cowardly blackmailer would choose to exploit.  
  
 As I move to pick up one of the packs, Kurama puts a hand on my arm and looks at me seriously.  
  
 ‘She’s still not sure about all this so be on your best behavior. I have her convinced that she needs to do this for her own safety, but I believe she’s just doing it because it’ll make you happy,’ he tells me.  
  
 “Hn,” I acknowledge, flicking my eyes in the direction of two crew members who have come out of the fortress.  
  
 They’re keeping their distance so far, but if they come any closer I might begin to feel a little threatened. My sword-hand twitches and I flex my fingers just in case I need to grab the hilt fast. Kurama sees this and puts himself in a defensive position where his body is subtly blocking a direct attack aimed at Uma. As always, he is reading my body language and providing exactly what I need in the situation.  
  
 ‘I’ve also told her that it’s probably best if no one knows your true relationship. Truthfully, she’d already figured that out,’ he continues as we both keep one eye on the other two. ‘We decided that you should tell them that she is a colleague of mine whom I am bringing with me to the Ningenkai.’  
  
 I cast him a questioning glance, one eyebrow raised.  
  
 ‘We talked and we decided that she would come to live at Genkai’s old temple. When the old woman died, she left it to us- you included, Hiei. No one is living there now. It is isolated and wild and she can continue to cross-breed her herbs in peace, and there will be someone to look after the grounds,’ he explains.  
  
 Well, that is one problem solved. I hadn’t really figured out where she was going to live once I took her away from this place. I knew that I was going to bring her to Mukuro to see if anything could be done for her leg and other injuries, but I hadn’t thought beyond that. As always Kurama is five or six steps ahead of everyone else, and he’s already found a solution. I give him a look that I hope conveys my gratitude for his forethought.  
  
 “Mukuro’s first,” I hiss under my breath.  
  
 He nods. “You think her cybernetics can...”  
  
 I shrug. “Dunno.”  
  
 He smiles at my neutral answer. “But it can’t hurt to try, ne?”  
  
 I nod and motion for the two crew members to come pick up Uma’s packs. Giving them orders will put them off guard and keep them from getting any ideas. Kurama helps Uma to her feet and keeps himself between them and her as they approach me while he takes her over to the centipede.  
  
 “This is Lady Silence. She will be traveling with us back to Mukuro’s then going with Kurama. Take her things and set her up in one of the guest chambers. She is under my and Kurama’s protection. You will treat her with respect,” I command.  
  
 “Yes, Hiei-sama,” one of them says dutifully.  
  
 “Ch,” I snort as they bow to me and do my bidding.  
  
 It isn’t that I don’t occasionally enjoy having someone obey me, but I know enough to be suspicious of simpering fools like this. They’re hoping that fawning over me will gain them my trust so I’ll let my guard down around them.  
  
 Hn, stupid idiots. I’ll kill them later. Right now Kurama is helping Uma into the traveling fortress so I can take my adoptive mother to her new home.  
   
********  
   
  
 The sun shines down on the old temple complex, lighting on the thriving gardens and clean swept paving stones. It is the end of summer and it is hot, but a pleasant breeze makes the day more bearable.  
  
 We are outside, sitting comfortably in the shade, the remnants of our dinner piled in empty bowls and bento boxes. Uma rests with her back against the ever-blooming sakura tree, her hand idly stroking the trunk as she sends her energy up into the higher limbs to sprout more blossoms. The air is heavy with their fragrant scent.  Kurama watches her and gives her an appreciative smile.  
  
 They are a matched set, these two. Both are never happier than when they are puttering around their gardens and fussing over their plants. Having Uma come live in this place surrounded by forest as far as the eye can see was a stroke of pure kitsune brilliance. I doubt this place was so well tended even when the old woman was alive.  
  
 I feel a small stab of regret. I didn’t know when Genkai died. I was in the Makai with Mukuro and word didn’t reach me until months later. I would have liked to have been able to pay my respects to her. She had always been kind to me, had even fed me on numerous occasions, and she was a strong and skilled fighter. She taught Yuusuke almost everything he knows. I think we all miss her, but I imagine that she would be happy knowing her special place is being tended so diligently.  
  
 Per Genkai’s request, the surrounding land will never be sold or developed. It will remain wild and untamed as it has always been, and with four demons among the legal heirs, it’s unlikely that it will ever come out of our possession. Genkai hoped it would become a sanctuary for demons and humans alike, and Uma living here and loving it is part of that legacy.  
  
 It’s been several months since I discovered that Uma was still alive and took her from the Makai in order to keep her safe. I don’t think she misses the old shack with its leaky roof and drafty windows. Compared to the hovel she was living in, Genkai’s temple is a palace full of luxuries like indoor plumbing and hot running water. No, I doubt she misses the Makai at all. No one bothers her here, and she is free to garden and grow her herbs as much as she wants.  
  
 She lives here alone about half of the time. The other half, she is joined by Yukina who tries to spend at least one week a month here, and Kurama and I visit often; Kurama more than me, but he lives in the Ningenkai while I do not. It is not as easy for me to slip away unnoticed, although Mukuro knows I have strong ties to the human world, and accepts that I like to spend as much of my free time here as I possibly can. I think she suspects that my relationship with Kurama’s ‘herbalist colleague’ is more than mere professional courtesy to a friend, but she is shrewd and keeps her mouth shut.  
  
 Ch. Both of us have our secrets.  
  
 She didn’t even question me when I asked of there was something that could be done to help Uma’s injuries. At her raised eyebrow, I explained that Kurama owed her a debt, and I in turn owed Kurama a debt, and so the fox had brought Uma to me. I’m pretty sure Mukuro knew there was more to the story than I was revealing but she helped as much as Uma would let her.  
  
 Uma’s new robotic leg is the result.  
  
 The leg is all she would accept. Mukuro offered a set of hands but of course that would have meant cutting off the ones she had, and, as burned and scarred as they were, Uma wasn’t willing to part with them. As for her throat, a cybernetic voice box would have restored a voice but it would have sounded artificial so she turned that down too.  
  
 She does fine with her mind-speech with those who are telepathic like Kurama and me, and Kurama has taught her sign language so she can communicate with those who aren’t. Now she signs as she speaks mind-to-mind almost as if it is how she has always spoken. I like to watch the graceful movements of her hands as she forms the patterns in time with her thoughts. I’ve learned the silent language myself just from observing her but I haven’t revealed that little fact. She and Kurama like to ‘talk’ about me with it because they think I can’t understand what they’re saying. It gives me insights on their latest scheming.  
  
 In that they are also a matched set; always trying to wheedle something out of me that I’d rather not do or admit. They managed to convince me to tell Yukina that I was her brother, even though I had previously told her that her twin was dead.  
  
 In truth, it was more Uma than the kitsune. She made me understand the depths of grief a mother can go through when she suffers the loss of a child, and how much a twin would be affected in the same way if one of them died. Her heartfelt account of how helpless and bereft she felt after I was taken from her made me realize that I had wronged Yukina and caused her terrible pain with my lie.  
  
 She also helped convince me that I deserved to have a sister like Yukina; that I deserved to have my adoptive mother, my family, and my friends in my life. The kitsune was instrumental in this as well, helping me come to terms with my past and allowing the people who care about me to be part of my world. For so long I thought myself tainted and unworthy of love or friendship, regaining the first person who ever cared about me went a long way to helping me understand how much I needed the ones I called ‘friends.’  
  
 Imagine my surprise when Yukina smiled at me and told me that she already knew I was her twin. Apparently she’d always known, or at least she’d known for certain after the Dark Tournament. She told me that she knew it was me because she could feel me, and she’d just allowed me to go on thinking that I had her fooled because she thought it was what I wanted.  
  
 When I told her the real reason I had kept the truth from her, she actually started to cry. Then she hugged me and said she was so relieved that was all it was because she had been so afraid that I was ashamed of her because she was weak and allowed herself to be captured by that pig bastard Tarukane.  
  
 How could I ever be ashamed of Yukina? All along it was me who was the one who was ashamed. I never knew she felt that way, and it made me feel even worse for lying to her for so long.  
  
 She, like Uma, forgave me. They both forgave me without reservation. It is something I am not sure I could do myself, but maybe someday I can learn it from them. I forgave Kurama for betraying me to Yuusuke, but in hindsight I had decided that it wasn’t a betrayal so much as a rescue so my forgiveness didn’t count in that instance.  
  
 I have been able to learn from my friends in the past. Yuusuke taught me what it meant to be part of a team. The Oaf taught me that pure human stubbornness can overcome the greatest obstacles. And Kurama... Kurama has taught me love. Not the kind of love I have for Yukina or for Uma, but the kind one shares for a partner... and lover.  
  
 The last reason these two are a matched set is because they are both unconditionally mine, and they both love me with all that they have to give.  
  
 After much coaxing from Uma, the kitsune stepped up his efforts to woo me, and I, also with much coaxing from Uma, allowed myself to be won. It has been an... adjustment and an... awakening. I’m still reeling from it but I’m starting to get used to being loved, and I’m beginning to enjoy it as much as Kurama does.  
  
 Even now as we sit here, he is sprawled on the ground with his head on my lap. We would never do this in public, or even around Yuusuke and the Oaf, but here we are safe within the old temple walls and Uma knows we are lovers. Kurama is still more physical than I am, his kitsune nature making him much more tactile than me, but I have been known to fall asleep on top of him when we’re on the couch together in Kurama’s apartment.  
  
 As I look down at him with his cheek on my thigh, he lets one green eye slide to peer up at me, then he smiles and blows a soft sigh that tickles the underside of my knee through my thin pants. The action makes me shiver but not with cold.  
  
 When I first accepted his advances, I believed that a physical relationship would be something I would have to endure, something I would suffer through in order to reap the other benefits pairing with him in such a way offered me. Oh how wrong I was. I continue to be shocked by the depth of the emotions he makes me feel and the strength of my desire for him. I have come to crave his touch and revel in the pleasure he brings me, and I am extremely grateful that he managed to get his own place to live otherwise our private lives would be significantly curtailed.  
  
 For all the soul-bearing and long diatribes about not keeping secrets from those you love, my hypocrite kitsune still hasn’t told his ningen mother about her son’s demon nature or his choice of lovers. Not that I blame him for it, but I just find it amusingly ironic. Yukina has complained that he should at least reveal me as his lover if nothing else, but I understand his reluctance there as well.  
  
 I haven’t told Mukuro that Kurama and I are lovers, but that is different. That is a matter of protecting our privacy from my rivals in Mukuro’s ranks. Although I am getting to the point where I’m about ready to say they can have my place if they want it so badly. The only thing that has kept me from resigning is my respect for Mukuro, and Kurama’s insistence that we keep our options in the Makai open for an eventual return. But I don’t want to rule and my pursuit of power seems so petty in light of what I have gained and learned. I still train and I still push my limits, but now it is so I am strong enough to protect that which has become precious to me.  
  
 Kurama’s continued silence with his mother is his own way of protecting her as well so it isn’t a matter of him not wanting her to think that he is gay. He isn’t gay. At least, not in the way ningens think. Kitsune are much more discerning about who they are with rather than the sex of the partner. Kurama has assured me that he would love me no matter what gender my body possessed because it is my soul that he adores.  
  
 I almost cried when he told me that... almost. Instead I ended up grabbing him and...  
  
 The memory makes me shift uncomfortably and the green eye fixed on me twinkles with mischief. I turn my head away and look at Uma who is pointedly ignoring us.  
  
 Ch. It’s not like she cares that we’re lovers. She practically tied us together and shoved us in a locked room. Uma has no problems with my sexual orientation as long as I am content and well treated.  
  
 Hn. My sexual orientation... I don’t have one. Kurama is the only one I’ve ever been attracted to or made love with so I guess that makes me Kurama-oriented. No matter what form he takes, whether it be his human or his youko form, he’s the only one I’ve ever been interested in; the only one I’ve ever been with and he had to teach me practically everything because I was woefully inexperienced. He was so patient and understanding with me when we first began to explore a more physical relationship. I couldn’t have asked for a more tolerant and sensitive mentor to show me what we could be together, how good we could be for each other. We both fill the empty places inside each other in ways no one else can.  
  
 And he makes me happy. They both make me happier than I have ever been, my matched set.  
  
 Sometimes I wonder how it is possible for someone like me to feel so much joy when all I knew for so long was pain and anguish. Sometimes I wonder what to do with this wild love I have inside me. It makes me do things I would never do otherwise. It makes me viciously jealous and possessive to the point where Kurama’s had to thwap me a couple of times just to bring me out of it.  
  
 It humbles me. It weakens me even as it makes me stronger, and sometimes it scares me to my very core. I don’t know... I don’t know what I would do without the people I have come to love in my life. These two. Yukina...  
  
 There are days when I loathe myself for feeling the things that I do, and days when I know I would die before I gave them up. And I fear that one day I will lose them, that they will be taken from me. I keep waiting for the pain to come back, for my fate to rear its head and strip me of the happiness I have found. I lost Uma once. What will I do if I lose her again? What will I do if I lose Kurama? Yukina? Could I go back to being what I once was now that I have found this? Now that I know what it is like? I don’t know what I would do...  
  
 A blooming rose is shoved into my face, snapping me out of my downward thoughts, and I look at my kitsune who smiles at me. He’s rolled to his back, the nape of his neck now supported by my leg.  
  
 “You’re brooding again,” he scolds.  
  
 “Hn,” I reply half-guiltily, looking away.  
  
 “What were you thinking?”  
  
 “Nothing. It’s not important.”  
  
 He gives me a smile that tells me that he believes me about as much as he can pick me up and throw me.  
  
 “If it’s not important, then stop brooding about it,” he sighs, flicking the rose so the petals caress my cheek before putting it back in his hair.  
  
 “Ch.”  
  
 He rolls so that his chin is resting on my knee and I trace the curve of his neck and spine with my eyes as he heaves a sigh.  
  
 “We’re not going to leave you so stop worrying,” he states simply, shocking me with his insight. Am I that transparent? Then he stretches and yawns before adding, “Besides, it’s too beautiful of a day to brood.”  
  
 I huff but say nothing.  
  
 ‘I agree. Kurama, let’s go check on the Makai garden. The sun will be going down soon and the night bloomers will be opening. I think there might be some early seed pods ready for collection,’ Uma suggests, her hands signing as she broadcasts her mind-speech so both of us can hear her.  
  
 Kurama has been teaching her some of his techniques on how to make plants into weapons and she seems to have a knack for it. He’s also been brewing up numerous potions from rare herbs geared towards helping her regain her energy faster. I must say that I am very pleased with the results.  
  
 “I think that’s a wonderful idea, Uma-san,” Kurama agrees and rises to his feet.  
  
 Uma stands, her robotic leg clicking and whirring as the joints move, and brushes some stray sakura petals from her skirt. I look at her and smile softly. She looks so much healthier now, not nearly as thin and wan as she had been, and she’s letting her hair grow again.  
  
 Kurama goes to the tool shed to get a bucket and a spade while Uma collects the leftovers from dinner and takes them to the kitchen. I stand and wait for them in the courtyard, my hands folded behind my back.  
  
 Uma is the first to return and she brushes the side of my cheek with the back of her hand affectionately. I look up at her without inclining my head and snort. She says nothing but then there isn’t any need for her to say anything at all. Everything she feels and wants to tell me is right there in her eyes.  
  
 Kurama joins us and Uma takes the bucket and spade from him as they begin to walk towards the long stairs that lead down to the surrounding forest.  
  
 “I wonder if the Blood Vine will be ready soon,” Kurama muses. “I could definitely use some of that during the Makai Tournament.”  
  
 ‘I’ll see about cross-breeding some with that Makai Ojigi you have,’ Uma offers.  
  
 “What a brilliant idea, Uma-san. I wonder what would happen if we crossed in some carnivorous Sundew...”  
  
 ‘We could try to make the sap poisonous...’  
  
 “Blood Vine, Ojigi and poisonous Sundew, what a combination!”  
  
 I sigh. Once they get started in the gardens, they’ll fuss for hours. Not that I mind. Watching them can be very entertaining (and sometimes I can get a good nap in while they’re weeding) so long as they don’t ask me to be a volunteer when they test the final result.  
  
 During our battle in the first Makai Tournament, Mukuro accused me of longing for my homeland. She was only partially right. I didn’t want to go back to the floating glacier of the koorimes; back to a place where the slaughter of innocent infants was condoned and life was a constant monotony of frigid isolation. Even my twin agreed that the koorimes deserved to be punished for what they did to me.  
  
 Yukina is not as sweet and innocent as everyone thinks she is; at least not when it comes to me. I am certain that she would kill to protect me if she absolutely had no choice. Her time as a prisoner of Tarukane changed her and I know Genkai made teaching her self-defense a priority. I’d like to see someone try to kidnap her now. Of course, I will never allow her to be placed in a situation where she would be forced to fight, but it’s nice to know that she could if she had to.  
  
 But Mukuro was right about me longing for a home. The child in me remembered what it was like to have a place of safety and comfort. Those who knew me thought I was depraved, but there is a fundamental difference between being depraved and being deprived. Depraved means that you have never possessed something in the first place. Deprived means that you once had it but it was taken away. I think deprived is much worse. At least with depraved, you never had it so you can’t miss it.  
  
 Deep inside I missed my home, and my rage and hate stemmed from that loss. I filled my life with purpose in order to find a reason to continue living, and I fought and lived for that purpose until Mukuro summoned me and I thought that there was nothing left for me but an honorable death.  
  
 Kurama has since learned the truth about that fateful day. I told him during one of our long nights of soul-bearing and forgiveness. I have never seen him cry so much or sob so deeply as he did that night, and he swore that he and Yuusuke, and even the Oaf, would have avenged my death if Shigure had truly killed me. He swore that they would even have gone after Mukuro. With the white rage of revenge behind Yuusuke’s fists, I have my doubts that Mukuro would have won that battle.  
  
 He wept and kissed the non-existent scars where my katana sliced off my own arm and Shigure’s bone blade disemboweled me. Then he made me swear that I would never do anything so stupid again. He made me vow on his life and our love because he knows I value his life over mine. I swore because I never want to see my kitsune cry like that again. Not ever.  
  
 But I can’t say that things haven’t turned out for the best. In dying and rising again, in becoming Mukuro’s heir, I eventually found my way back to that which I most desired: a home. Only my home isn’t a country or a particular place.  
  
 My home is a green-eyed, red-haired kitsune with a silver-haired alter-ego. It’s an ice maiden who shared a womb with me. It’s a half-demon, cocky-assed stupid idiot and an overgrown, stubborn oaf. And it’s a mute demoness who showed me that not even death could kill a mother’s love.  
  
 That is my home, where I belong. It is where I am loved, and needed, and cherished. It is where I will never be abandoned and left alone again. If everything I suffered and lived through finally brought me to this place, then there is nothing I would change. I’d do it all again without reservation. Anything worth keeping is worth fighting for, worth suffering for, worth risking everything for. Kurama taught me that.  
  
 “Hiei? Are you coming?” Kurama asks me, tossing a happy glance over his shoulder.  
  
 Both faces in my matched set pause to wait for me, giving me expectant looks, and I realize that I’m still standing at the top of the stairs. I’d been so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn’t realized that I’d stopped walking.  
  
 “Hiei?” my kitsune repeats.  
  
 “I’m coming,” I answer, shoving my hands in my pockets to hide my embarrassment.  
  
 Kurama raises an eyebrow and gives me a come-hither look. ‘Not yet... but maybe later,’ he teases, a secret smile on his lips.  
  
 I gasp at his mental caress then growl. ‘I’ll get you for that kitsune.’  
  
 ‘Oh, I’m counting on it.’ He turns his head away and offers his arm to Uma. “Uma-san? Shall we? I’m sure Hiei will catch up once he’s done woolgathering.”  
   
My adoptive mother smiles and gives me a wink before talking Kurama’s offered arm and the two of them continue down the stairs together.  
  
 I chuckle and shake my head, then move to follow wherever they lead.  
   
Fin  
  



End file.
